We're Backk!!

           Spring season is finally here! Welcome to a brand new season of Port Sports Kickball!! Wait, never mind this is WAKA... Even though 70% of the teams are playing kick away...Anyway... That means your weekly power rankings are back! Sorry for taking last season off, I was busy winning a championship. For those who don't know me, I am Jason Sparks and for those that do, I'm sorry. This is your general run of the mill disclaimer where I say this is all in good fun and don't take anything I say seriously blah blah blah. But, you all know that and if you don't you'll either think this is entertaining or I'm a giant asshole... or both, and I'm okay with that.

           Today kicks off what will be the longest stretch of terrible Friday mornings ever. Some will have a few casual beers at the games and go to Dewey's and have one more. Some will get a little weird at Dewey's. The true WAKA kickballers close OPT and if you're me, you crack beer number 1 at noon. Apparently we have 37 Lighthouse teams and only 6 Superhero teams. Not really sure why... Winning the Lighthouse league is like hooking up with your cousin. I mean, yeah, you got laid, but can you really brag about it? Hopefully this problem will be fixed sooner than later. Although we do have a few "interleague" games this season. We also have a new league commissioner, Hollywood Whitney "Mother of Kickballs" Dorsett. She meets all the criteria of pretty much every other commish, meaning she's on NDW. Look for her on the fields before the sun goes down.

Lighthouse Power 3

Going to try and do a brief top 3 for Lighthouse even though I really don't want to or care or know any of you people by name. Week one is just teams I kind of recognize.

3. Tinderellas

Probably the most athletic team in the league. Too bad that doesn't always translate.

2. Swamp Donkeys

Experience has to count for something?

1. We Only Come from Behind

I guess by default for now. The do have one of the puffier schedules.

The Real Rankings

6. Balls on Your Shin

There is really no surprises with any Superhero teams this season, which makes my job easy. Timmy's team parties hard, crushes Twisted Teas, plays Klam Jam and will probably lose every game, but damn they look doing it. When playoffs come around they can usually turn it on but I doubt it this season. 

5. Tinder Rejects

Good old Shaker... Someday he'll actually stick with a team for more than 3 games. This time around he's with whatever is left of Muff N Men or whatever the fuck they used to be called. I also hear that Mulkern is trying to break Papi's record for most STDs acquired in a season, so that will be fun to watch. With all the inexperience, I'd swipe left on these guys at least for the first half of the season.

4. Jugs & Thugs

This ended up being a team full of free agents that no one else wanted/people most likely to get a red card this season. Oddly enough, it's almost the exact same team that Talbot captained in the Fall. Which either means that everyone wanted to evaluate their options or they all hated each other. Either way, this team could be really good or an absolute disaster. Should be fun to watch either way. Odds on favorite for most yellow cards this season
EDIT: This team is made of Shaker and Talbots rejects from Fall!

3. Rum Riot

Never any surprises with Rum Riot. Basically the same team every season. Only difference is I think more of them got married this time. Seems like a boring team to play on. Have a few beers and talk about what their buying at Home Depot on Saturday. Yawn. They'll be good as always, just not good enough.

2. Hand Made Love

Another team that basically stays the same every season. I don't see TShaw on the roster, which will hurt strategy and morale but it does take a terrible fielder and guaranteed out off the field. HML knows how to win and always has one of the better defenses in the league. Expect them near the top as always.

1. No Dead Weight

Papi is so confident in NDW that he says that he will buy a shot for any person who scores a run against them this season. I may or may not have made him say that when he was blacked out, but it still counts. Bez is back in Maine after wearing out his welcome wherever he went. Hopefully we get cool Bez that gets iced 37 times, makes dumb bets and pukes in urinals. The Legend is also back this season and unfortunately so is Darcey.

Lines for Tonight

(See Stevey to place bets)

6PM

Jugs N Thugs (-2)v. Balls on Your Shin

The Jugs depth should win this one, which should be the highest scoring of the week 6-4.

655PM

No Dead Weight (-3) v. Tinder Rejects

NDW is well known for only having 9 players show up over the last couple seasons. Still a 9 person team should beat TR as long as 4 girls show up. 4-1.

Hand Made Love (-1) v. Rum Riot

This reeks of a 1-0 borefest. HML scores in the first then holds on.

See you all tonight!

-Sparks