Spring Season Recap

      Spring season has come to an end and it's only fitting that I kill a few hours on an end of season recap. Just a reminder that this is all in good fun. The playoffs had their share of excitement, drama, and complaining with NDW taking the Gold Ball home again with a controversial 6-5 win over Hand Made Love. The finals started around 10:30 at night, which would have been fine if we lived in Alaska and featured some great plays, awful defense, and shaky reffing (to say the least). With an ending that Vince McMahon couldn't have scripted better we had Shane call the game after 4 innings with HML's lineup setup beautifully for the 5th inning, then promptly leg dropping Faley and tearing off his ref shirt revealing a black shirt and announcing he was joining NDW next season. Elias Sports Bureau reports that this was the first time in WAKA history that scheduling was so awful that we had to call the finals for darkness. The rest of the playoffs shaped up as expected capitalized by the Hoffs screwing up again in the playoffs. The End of Season Party was kind of a joke this year again. Rain may have ruined it a bit but seriously people? Free beer! I know I can't be the only cheap ass willing to ditch a baptism or whatever for the word 'free'. It took us awhile, but I'm pretty sure Casey, Papi and I murdered 90% of that keg ourselves so at least we made our 70 bucks back. Anyway, here is a team by team recap of the season from worst to first with a copy/paste of my preseason prediction. Be amazed how many of these I nailed. I'm thinking of starting my own WAKA psychic hotline.

Richard Don't Know (Reg. Season: 0-7, Playoffs 1: and done)
Preseason Rank: 9 (Bingo!)
"There are only 10 people on Big Mac’s roster right now so this is hard to gauge. The bright side is this is probably the only list Dick Dunno is making the top of this season (and they probably won’t be here long once they play my team). This team is made up of what’s left of Gronki Punch and what’s left of WAKA Shame from Fall. Mac’s a top notch charger and the rest of the guys on the team are top notch drinkers. RDK will surely contend for the funnest team in the league but that generally doesn’t translate into wins. (See: NDW)."

Dick Dunno was doomed from the beginning with a roster full of people that travel and apparently people that waste 70 bucks and don't come to 1 game. It's not easy to get any momentum when you have to scramble every week for players (I've had to go through it before). RDK was surely the definition of playing for fun this season. Team MVP: Trish "The Dish" Drewry.

Pitch Please (Reg. Season: 2-5, Playoffs: 2 and done)
Preseason Rank: 3 (Yikes!)

"Team Match.com (congrats to Jay and Whit, Jared and Bry, and Ollie and himself) is back with basically the same team that went to the finals in the fall as Rum Riot. PP is one of those teams that don’t throw the ball around or make a ton of mistakes. Not the speediest team in the league, but they may have the best kickers. Hard to rank them any higher or any lower right now."

PP was surely this season's biggest disappointment and one giant swing and a miss for my preseason prediction. They never really got things going and almost seemed disinterested by season's end. Then, just mailed in the playoffs giving HML a freebie. An anonymous source who's friends with a friend who's sister knows a guy on the team says that they may blow up the roster for Fall or not play at all. Team MVP: Travis "Whiter Trash" Jordan.

It Ain't Gonna Kick Itself (Reg. Season: 2-5 Playoffs: 1 and done)
Preseason Rank: 8 (Allllmost)
"IAGKI is my team this season, so feel free to take out your GMoT aggression on whatever week you play us. Same core from last fall’s Running on Empties team, with a few new to WAKA players. We’ve got a Cleveland Indians from Major League type feel with a bunch of drunks, dumbasses, and people no one wanted that might figure out how to play by season’s end. May even try some voodoo."

Almost predicted this team perfectly in the preseason rankings. Super slow start, kind of put it together towards the end. Would have liked to seen what would've happened if they didn't catch NDW in the first round (Thanks Lawson you jackass). Weakness was bunting by a landslide. Oh, and not working on bunting by kicking all the time. Got a few holes to fill in the off season (if NDW won't take you, we will!). Team MVP: Casey "She Just Eyefucked the Shit Outta Me" Dodge.

Beast From the East (Reg. Season: 4-3, Playoffs: 1 and done)
Preseason Rank: 5 (Over hyped)

"These guys came rolling in with custom shirts and definitely talked like the team to beat at the preseason party. Then Kristen laid down some tough love and said they’ll need permission from the teams they play to wear them. This team is going to be such a shit show that Shaker has already taken 3 Fridays off from work and found a donor match for a new liver. Given all that, the Beasts should end up as one of the better teams by the end of the season. There certainly is plenty of capable kickball players here. The reigning charger of the year, Bez owed everyone on NDW too much money decided to leave NDW and create his own team. This is basically WAKA Shame with Bez and a bunch of his (most likely insane) friends. They have good players at all of the skill positions and a freshly roided up Francis rippin off 80mph fastballs. Plenty of speed all around also. Their downfall will be when Bez hooks up with each girl on his team week by week and doesn’t call them, not realizing they play on his kickball team and he needs 4 to show up every week. This will result in 3 forfeits and a classic attempt at switching in different girls for the playoffs that fails miserably."

Who knew that my preseason prediction for the Bez Show would be spot on (sort of). More Beasts showed up to watch the finals than showed up to their playoff game (which they almost won with 6 players). Never seen a team completely turn on their captain with only 1 week left. There is no question that we will never see this team again as Bez and the foreign guy have already jumped over to Muff N Men. Tons of potential wasted. Team MVP: Pierce "What the Fuck Did I Get Myself Into" Dickenson.

Hoff Constantly (Reg. Season: 3-3-1, Playoffs: 1 and done)
Preseason Rank: 4
"Anyone remember this from last season’s playoff preview? “What they need to do to win the Gold Ball: Stick to the Twisted Tea Lights. Less alcohol content and less calories to weigh you down. Could be big in the later games.” Probably should have listened. The Hoff’s may have been in the title game last fall if they hadn’t had a girl get too drunk, piss herself, and go on Amber Alert for 3 months in the middle of a game they were leading. They have a stout defense, anchored by Shane at charger, and are very under rated at pitcher. They surely will be a tough match for any team this season (unless they decide to wear the denim again)."

Another heart breaker in the playoffs for the Hoffs. At least they finished the game with a full team this season, though. Really tough to gauge this team because they rarely had all their better position players show up to the same game. Most of the games I saw, they played just terrible... Their crowning achievement was forcing NDW to forfeit the morning after getting trampled by their girls 6-0. But, karma for forcing the forfeit came back when the dumb ass tagging from 1st to 2nd (why are you tagging anyway? You're run was 100% meaningless) got tagged out before the tying run could score. Team MVP: Shawn "Freebird" Freeman.

Muff N Men (Reg. Season: 3-3-1, Playoffs: Semi's)
Preseason Rank: 7 (Whoops!)
"The Muffs are back with the same name, and pretty much the same team. Nothing fancy here. Jello shots, Joey running all over the place, and Leah catching balls with her face. Pitching will hurt them, but catching will make up for it. This is another team that’s ranked low but is capable of beating anyone."

Hit this one on the spot as well (aside from their rank). Defense was great all season and Joey may have closed the gap between him and Steve for top catcher. Dustin was a solid charger as well. Pitching was not so great. In WAKA, good teams and veteran players will eat up under hand pitching. We are used to seeing guys like Kerry laser in balls that break like a Pete Weber strike at the last second. I run a 30 second 40 and need to have a beer halfway down the first base line and bunted on against these guys. Adding Bez and Igor will help the offense a ton next season (until the team breaks up after 5 games), but pitching is a priority. Team MVP: Leah "The Mello Jello" Jones.

T'keela Mockingbirds (Reg. Season: 4-3-1, Playoffs: Semi's)
Preseason Rank: 6 (Overachievers!) 

"If anyone is the league gets tossed from a game, it’s pretty much guaranteed it’s from this team. The Aristocrats from Fall already had their share of hot heads. Now they add Stevey, who set a WAKA record for temper tantrums last season. There won’t be any cakewalks on the schedule this season, which will make TM better by season’s end. The girls on the team will certainly do their part. If Talbot, Ferrante and Stevey can keep their emotions in check, TM is surely capable of beating anyone."

The only team to beat Hand Made Love in a full game this season, TM started real slow then played solid the last few weeks. I think everyone got used to Queen Stevey flipping his shit every week and learned to tune it out. Rumblings around the league told me this team had some internal problems too (if it wasn't obvious) and may divide by Fall. All around not too bad of a season for the Port Sporters ending with a heart breaker to HML. Team MVP: Everyone but Stevey, for not killing him.

Hand Made Love (Reg. Season: 5-1-1, Playoffs: Runner-up)
Preseason Rank: 2 (As always)
"These guys have had the same game plan since before I started kickball. Score a run early and let Steve do all the work on defense. The only reason why I have them ranked 2nd is because they seem to always get it done in the playoffs and Faley isn’t on the roster (yet?). I’m sure they’ll stumble to a 5-3 record without caring too much, but when playoffs come, the defense bears down and they tell TShaw to stay home."

The time wasted by TShaw demanding the field his team played the previous game on instead of the other field (which is a legit argument, top seed should play on the field they played on. Can't believe the 9 CSR's on NDW missed that) may have been enough to do the 5th inning. Apparently, they also protested the End of Season Party (as did most teams). They only won games by dressing Steve up in different outfits and having him bat 19 times a game anyway. Team MVP: Steve "No Nickname Needed" Ginn.

No Dead Weight (Reg. Season 7-0, Playoffs: Winner)
Preseason Rank: 1 (Duhh)

"Team AARP (is anyone on NDW in their 20s?), always seem to start and finish every season on top. Should be an awkward season for NDW not being the clear cut favorite for most hated team (Beast From the East and T’keela Mockingbirds will give them a run). Losing Bez, may hurt them ability wise, but adding Busque will surely make them better looking. Kerry and whatever was growing on his face during the preseason party will be back looking for his 16th “Precious” award, and Spike is supposed to be taking over as charger. Papi’s lost a step or 10, but it shouldn’t matter too much as the offense will score a ton. One weakness during the regular season is half their team travels for work. They made up for that by having 71 people on the roster."

Somehow even without the Legend, NDW won again... David Stern couldn't have put better refs in charge of the finals, and with TShaw's assist with time management, they managed to squeak out the win. As much as I'd like to put a team together to beat these guys, I just don't care about kickball that much (and I suck). Lighthouse league, who obviously confused Corliss for Hopper, was pulling hard for the black and Kathleen was trying to fight me, so you know the tension was high. So congratulations to NDW, can't believe you won. Let's start the retirement talk early because we know you're all coming back! For the record, the forfeit shouldn't have counted because Darcey won King of WAKA, which means NDW had 4 guys that night. Team MVP: The Dr. that did the PRP treatment on Elena "Millier Lite Killer" Senore's knee and turned her into the bionic woman.

I'm sure there will be some mixing up with the teams for the Fall as the Superhero league is getting pretty competitive. And you might even see ol' Sparkles make a reffing comeback. I'm taking the Summer off from these, but I will be back in the Fall. Thanks for reading and all the feed back.

-Sparks