Week 1 Lighthouse League Rankings/Predictions

Whats up LIGHTHOUSERS!!!!

Can you believe another season is already here? It feels like just yesterday we were wondering if the lights would ever come back on at Fitzpatrick. Hope you all have saved up your sick time - if you haven't, you'll be wishing you did come this Friday morning.

To start us out this season, I figured it would be smart to recap the results of last season. In a historic match-up, the Panthers walked away with the gold ball, after a last inning heroic rally, to put away the Tinderellas. What occurred after that can only be remembered in screenshots of Snapchats and TMZ.com coverage, but one thing is for certain, the Panthers are hungry for the repeat. With that being said, there are a total of SEVEN other teams this season who hope to spoil the reunion, and with the shake-ups of the offseason, it's anybody's championship.

Due to failed contract negotiations and massive egos, the Panthers have split their team into two. The Tinderellas have also followed suit, creating mayhem in the pre-season power rankings. With two other veteran teams returning (Swamp Donkeys and We Only Come From Behind), Vegas has no idea what the hell is going on. We also have two newcomers in the Ball Busters and We've Got The Runs, which means this season could be one for the books. Here is the GSPOT's preliminary power rankings:

#1: S3XT Panthers/Ex Panthers - Ben and J-Lo, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, and now, S3XT and Ex Panthers. The break-up that has shaken the very fabric of the Lighthouse league could be seen and heard from all media outlets. Although it was a mutual divorce, these two teams want nothing more than to run the other in the ground when they meet up. It might be a smart idea to put these two on separate sides of the room at Rivalries each week. In terms of ranking these two teams, you'd be hard pressed to form an argument that would land them anywhere else but #1, which is why they share the top spot... for now. DUN DUN DUNNNNN.....

#2: Tinderellas/Misfits - The runner-ups of last season went through a similar break-up as the Panthers. Inside sources say that there was an argument over who could bench the most, which led to a natural split between the two groups, as both sides supported their choices. Although these crossfit junkies may be able to do more burpees and box jumps than the average person, it didn't quite translate to a championship, as they fell short in the final game. These two teams will be looking to surpass their PR (I don't even lift bro) and walk away with the gold ball, but will need to get past the Panthers first.

#3: We Only Come From Behind - After a stellar regular season, the biggest surprise of last year was WOCFB's playoff run. The team looked flat, maybe due to nerves, inexperience or a severe lack of alcohol. After a full season under their belt, I anticipate this team to put up a better showing this Spring, landing them in our third spot in the preseason power rankings.

#4: Swamp Donkeys - The Swamp Donkeys have one of the longest tenured teams in the league, and with that being said, you have to wonder if time is running out. James Moore is looking to lead this team to another playoff run this season, but critics are now questioning the durability of the squad. With wet field conditions and cold weather, pulled hamstrings are a real concern, and the added pressure of Father Time may push this team to it's breaking point. Time is ticking and we will see if the Donkeys can perservere.

#5: We've Got The Runs - A relative unknown in the GSPOT media circle, We've Got The Runs is looking to make some noise in the Lighthouse league. Sources say that a few of these players played in the early 90's, and we have to wonder if their old school style of play will translate into W's in this new era of kickball. Thanks to the help of John Brenkus from Sports Science at ESPN, we have seen how far the game of kickball has come since that time. We'll have to wait and see if wooden spiked cleats and Mondo Fruit Squeezers is still enough to get a W.

#6: Ball Busters - History tells us that the newcomers of the league generally take a few seasons to get it together. When you take a bunch of randoms and put them together on a team, it takes at least three or four weeks to figure out who should be in the field, who should be sitting on the bench, and who should not be invited to the bar, which is why we round out the preseason power rankings with the Ball Busters bringing up the rear.

And now on to Week 1 Predictions:

Ball Busters vs. Ex Panthers: 

We can expect the Ex Panthers to come out with a chip on their shoulder. The team is rallying around the fact that they were the overlooked players from the S3XT Panthers squad. Sometimes all a team really needs is a purpose, and the Ex Panthers have found it. On the other side we have the Ball Busters. With zero expectations this season, they are the true wildcard. We can either see greatness out of the BB's, or the more practical prediction, disaster. I predict the latter, with the Ex Panthers rolling on by with a 6-1 victory.

Misfits vs S3XT Panthers: 

As the name would indicate, we can assume the Misfits were the red-headed stepchildren of the Tinderellas. It's not too far-fetched to think that the big-wig of the Tinderellas, excuse me, Commish of the league, dissected the 2nd place team last season and stole all the talent. I made several attempts to reach the Commish, but his publicist stated that there would be no comment. With that being said, the Misfits have a huge opportunity, being a relative unknown. If they can use that to fuel their fire, don't be surprised to see them put up quite the fight against the S3XT Panthers in Week 1. However, I don't see that translating to a W for them. The S3XT Panthers have survived a mini-purge of their own talent pool and have come out of it just as strong. We anticipate a close match, but the S3XT Panthers winning, 4-2.

Tinderellas vs. Swamp Donkeys: 

In a classic match-up, as well as our first Game of the Week, the Tinderellas take on the Swamp Donkeys. Since the schedule was released, these two squads have been jawing back and forth all over social media. We would post some of the comments on here, but most are too foul to put on this family friendly blog. The Swamp Donkeys have publicly said that this is a "statement game" for them and "... will not back down to the runner-ups of last season." Big words that will ultimately be posted all over the locker room of the Tinderellas prior to the match-up. In a titanic battle of sinking proportions, eerily reminiscent of their playoff match-up of last season, we have the Tinderellas stealing this one late, 4-3.

We Only Come From Behind vs. We've Got The Runs: 

We Only Come From Behind was one of the strongest teams in the regular season, earning them the respect of the league last year. What came as a surprise to nearly every analyst in the business was their disappointing and lack-luster playoff performance. Not much was said after their first round exit last season, which leads us to wonder what to expect come Thursday. We've Got The Runs are looking to be the surprise team of the Spring, and they have a golden opportunity to make a grand entrance in Week 1. We anticipate a back-and-forth battle, with WOCFB finding themselves behind late.... right where they want to be. In typical WOCFB fashion, we see a come-from-behind victory, 5-4.

Thanks for reading and I hope you all are ready to pee-your-pants party. If this is your first time reading the GSPOT, please note that this is 90% made up and 100% a result of alcohol - I have the utmost respect for all of you. If you take offense to any of it, buy me a beer at the bar and we'll talk about it. On a side note, the GSPOT team went through some budget cuts and had to lay off its two other employees (thanks a lot Obama). It is a one-man show for now, so please do me a favor and send your weekly write-ups in to mainegmot@gmail.com. Ain't nobody got time for this.

You stay classy, Lighthouse.

-GSPOT-