May the 4th be with you!
Happy to see that most of you made it through week one. The weather was pretty shitty but that didn't stop teams from crushing beers and getting a little dirty. I'd say it was a pretty successful turn out at Dewey's, so we should try and keep that momentum going. Spring season always works particularly well for my portfolio as CHD (They own Trojan Condoms) spiked this afternoon making this guy some dough! Glad to see the newbies are learning that cleats and condoms are essential for every kickball season. Oh, and for those of you who raw dog it... I'll pick up some Planned Parenthood stock in about 6 weeks...
Week two is Cinco de Drinko themed... This is the week they give Shaker's uncle/brother the day off, so expect the fields to be long, wet and covered in shit, just like Mulkern's Friday mornings. Can't be worse than last week... I hope. This is the only time of the year that drinking Corona in Maine doesn't make you look like a douche, so enjoy every drop of that Mexican piss water and after seeing some of the Snaps I got last week, Tequila might be overkill. Sending me Snaps doesn't give you social points by the way... But keep sending them so I can save them and use em against you at some point this season!
WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS! (Top 5 Edition)
5. I'd Kick That - 17 runs scored and 2 allowed in a week one double header... Hard not to notice that.
4. Sleeping with the Denimy - Week 1 loss to a good team. Very suspect call at home plate to end the game. I feel like upon further review, Ed Hochuli would have reversed that one. Rumor has it that one of these guys made it to Dewey's after the game? Pics or it never happened.
3. Muff N Men - Dominating win even with Joey being 85 years old and having a bad back. Might have to up your dose of medicine. The Muff carried the load this week.
2. Cash me ousside - Shaker must have no gag reflex because that's the only way I can see anyone lifting the ban on Bez. They managed to take down the top team and look to do the same this week.
1. I'll Cut a Pitch - What can I say? I'm biased.
PARTY (of) FIVE
5. McGillibuddies - Solid rule of thumb... Buy me booze and you make the rankings! Hard to miss these guys with the bright orange so that's definitely working to their advantage.
4. ZERO KICKS GIVEN - Sabrina is a fucking shitshow. Solid bar attendance and it was cool they brought a team babysitter...
3. Wasted Potential - Not a good night of kickball or Flip Cup but still repped it hard. Any team with Thomas on it is going to be up there in the alcohol consumed rankings.
2. A team has no name - You know it's a good night when you need help ordering, and getting in an Uber. Shotgunning beers with me earns you party points too.
1. Ten Inch Heroes - Hard to top borderline softcore porn.
Game of the Week
Cash me ousside (-2) vs. I'll Cut a Pitch - ICP (ha!) is rolling a thin roster tonight and Cash has kickball megastar Bez for a few weeks before he gets banned again.
No GMoT next week as I am on vacation
Click the link above and tell me some good stories!
-Sparkles
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