Fall Preseason Preview
Fall Preseason Preview
This is the moment that 13% of you have been waiting for. Hard to believe that it's already Fall season and Summer is just about over. Soon enough the ladies of the league will be trading in their short shorts and yoga pants for sweat pants, which will definitely help Busque's defense. As with every Fall, week 1 has already been cancelled due to people being too lazy to sign up, which ends Hopper's Ripkenlike streak of weeks played without a cancellation. I will be making my triumphant return to reffing this season so watch yourselves (Stevey) because every game will be called 100% correctly. What's in store for us this season? Will the lights go out every week 45 minutes early? Will NDW's reign end? Will Bez make it through a whole season without his team hating him? Will Hopper stop raging? We'll find out starting Thursday!
At least for the preseason, I have created a Maddenesque rating system that will give each team an Offensive, Defensive, Intangible (strategy/discipline/chemistry), and Overall numerical ranking. I could explain the formula, but I don't want all of you lining up to have my children so just trust me. Not only is it accurate, but I'm sure it will piss people off (Bez).
#8. The Closers (Off: 64, Def: 61, Int: 62, Overall: 62)
Scouting Report: New team so it's tough to tell. Good kickers, decent pitching, not seeing much in bunting or overall defense.
Scouting Report: New team so it's tough to tell. Good kickers, decent pitching, not seeing much in bunting or overall defense.
TC has the illustrious honor of starting in the basement this season. I'm surprised Cobb didn't follow his pal Bez to Muff N Men, I thought you 2 were as close as Bert and Ernie. It's tough to really rank these guys because I don't know half the team, and the other half hasn't registered yet. No clue who will be playing catcher or charger, but at least pitcher and 1st base are solid. This season does mark the return of Doug Thorp... Not too sure if he will help or hurt TC, not sure if anyone cares that he's back either. This will be one of those seasons where Cobb should just get shitfaced every Thursday and tear down OPT karaoke. Expected W/L: 1-6-1.
#7. Fall-Tea Balls (Off: 65, Def: 69, Int: 78, Overall: 69)
Scouting Report: Lots of experience, weak on offense, infield defense is okay, strong pitching.
Scouting Report: Lots of experience, weak on offense, infield defense is okay, strong pitching.
The Twisted Tea killers overachieved out the ass in Spring, but I don't think they will be so lucky this season. Baker is gone and Lawson has no idea who will show up on a week to week basis. FTB should have Shane back and they have one of the better pitchers in the league, but I expect the offense will let them down each week. If any team can overcome all that (by blacking out) it will be these guys. I'm expecting a lot of Kan Jam to try and get the confidence back. Expected W/L: 2-6.
#6. Ma Dixon Cider (Off: 76, Def: 76, Int: 58, Overall: 73)
Scouting Report: Very good kickers up and down, lots of potential in the field, not very good at bunting or pacing themselves drinking.
The Summer league sloshball champions will be displaying their god awful bunting skills this Fall. Most of the Spring team (It Ain't Gonna Kick Itself) is back with prized chug off contender America roaming the outfield with that crazy fuck, Russ. The infield will be the biggest wild card with a couple 2nd season players manning the skill positions. MDC should definitely put runs on the board each week as some of them can bunt well and everyone on this team can boot effectively. Hopefully, Casey doesn't make too many errors over thinking whether or not he should've left for NDW. Expected W/L: 3-5.
Scouting Report: Very good kickers up and down, lots of potential in the field, not very good at bunting or pacing themselves drinking.
The Summer league sloshball champions will be displaying their god awful bunting skills this Fall. Most of the Spring team (It Ain't Gonna Kick Itself) is back with prized chug off contender America roaming the outfield with that crazy fuck, Russ. The infield will be the biggest wild card with a couple 2nd season players manning the skill positions. MDC should definitely put runs on the board each week as some of them can bunt well and everyone on this team can boot effectively. Hopefully, Casey doesn't make too many errors over thinking whether or not he should've left for NDW. Expected W/L: 3-5.
#5. Rum Riot (Off: 69, Def: 76, Int: 79, Overall: 74)
Scouting Report: Good defense, strong kickers, lots of experience, inconsistent bunting.
These guys are going back to the Rum Riot name after Pitch Please laid a giant egg in the Spring. I noticed Ollie picked up Dambrie for the Fall season, proving RR is as desperate for girls as Papi is at 12:45 in the Old Port. Though, the addition of Big Mac will be a huge help for the 2 games he will show up to. Defense shouldn't be much of an issue this season, but I'm guessing the offense will struggle as it did in Spring. This will be a mediocre season for RR, but they surely could pull off a couple upsets come playoff time. Expected W/L: 3-4-1
Scouting Report: Good defense, strong kickers, lots of experience, inconsistent bunting.
These guys are going back to the Rum Riot name after Pitch Please laid a giant egg in the Spring. I noticed Ollie picked up Dambrie for the Fall season, proving RR is as desperate for girls as Papi is at 12:45 in the Old Port. Though, the addition of Big Mac will be a huge help for the 2 games he will show up to. Defense shouldn't be much of an issue this season, but I'm guessing the offense will struggle as it did in Spring. This will be a mediocre season for RR, but they surely could pull off a couple upsets come playoff time. Expected W/L: 3-4-1
#4. Prestige Worldwide (Off: 77, Def: 76, Int: 63, Overall: 74)
Scouting Report: Good top of line up, solid defense, mistake prone, hot headed.
The team formerly known as T'keela Mockingbirds returns with a stronger team than Spring. PW was the hottest team not named NDW going into the playoffs last season and almost pulled the upset against HML in the semi finals. No doubt one of the more ill tempered teams in WAKA, with a Bermuda Triangle of anger management issues in the infield (assuming Stevey catches). Overall this should be a decent team that could be dangerous by season's end. Expected W/L: 4-4.
Scouting Report: Good top of line up, solid defense, mistake prone, hot headed.
The team formerly known as T'keela Mockingbirds returns with a stronger team than Spring. PW was the hottest team not named NDW going into the playoffs last season and almost pulled the upset against HML in the semi finals. No doubt one of the more ill tempered teams in WAKA, with a Bermuda Triangle of anger management issues in the infield (assuming Stevey catches). Overall this should be a decent team that could be dangerous by season's end. Expected W/L: 4-4.
#3. Hand Made Love (Off: 72, Def: 78, Int: 85, Overall: 77)
Scouting Report: Great defense, experienced, decent kickers, not much on offense after first 5 kickers, mediocre pitching.
TShaw is still livid about the 5th inning that never was last season and because of that, head refs are no longer getting 5 bucks a game so we can afford to rent Fitzpatrick for the playoffs this season. So thanks for that, jackass. This could a be a generous rank depending on whether Steve plays this season. HML knows well how not having the best catcher can affect your record (see last Fall). Rumor has it that Shaker paid off Hopper to put him on this team, then promptly saved a new girl from having her kickball career scarred for life (and probably winning a championship) by playing with NDW. So now HML is stuck with MaShakes blacking out every week and a girl who's never played before. Bravo. Expected W/L: 5-2-1.
Scouting Report: Great defense, experienced, decent kickers, not much on offense after first 5 kickers, mediocre pitching.
TShaw is still livid about the 5th inning that never was last season and because of that, head refs are no longer getting 5 bucks a game so we can afford to rent Fitzpatrick for the playoffs this season. So thanks for that, jackass. This could a be a generous rank depending on whether Steve plays this season. HML knows well how not having the best catcher can affect your record (see last Fall). Rumor has it that Shaker paid off Hopper to put him on this team, then promptly saved a new girl from having her kickball career scarred for life (and probably winning a championship) by playing with NDW. So now HML is stuck with MaShakes blacking out every week and a girl who's never played before. Bravo. Expected W/L: 5-2-1.
#2. Muff N Men (Off: 85, Def: 90, Int: 68, Overall: 85)
Scouting Report: Very strong defense, can kick and bunt effectively, easily rattled, too much THC.
The Muff's were the busiest this off season acquiring Pierce and Bez from the now defunct Beast From the East. So, if you're scoring at home, this will be the 3rd team in 3 seasons Bez has played for. Also, if you're looking for some good players for next year, I'm sure this team will probably break up after this season. These guys should be one of the favorites to challenge NDW this season (if Bez doesn't make them all quit), with a strong offense and what should be the best defense in the league. They were practicing bunting all Summer season as well. Too many visits to the woods could be their biggest downfall. Expected W/L: 5-2-1.
Scouting Report: Very strong defense, can kick and bunt effectively, easily rattled, too much THC.
The Muff's were the busiest this off season acquiring Pierce and Bez from the now defunct Beast From the East. So, if you're scoring at home, this will be the 3rd team in 3 seasons Bez has played for. Also, if you're looking for some good players for next year, I'm sure this team will probably break up after this season. These guys should be one of the favorites to challenge NDW this season (if Bez doesn't make them all quit), with a strong offense and what should be the best defense in the league. They were practicing bunting all Summer season as well. Too many visits to the woods could be their biggest downfall. Expected W/L: 5-2-1.
#1. No Dead Weight (Off: 94, Def: 84, Int: 91, Overall: 89)
Scouting Report: Virtually no weaknesses on offense, smart defense, best pitcher, BShaw is a guaranteed out, play better when ahead.
NDW will be going for their unprecedented 173rd straight kickball title this season, but I think it could prove to be their most challenging season yet. No one on the team gives a shit about this season. Houghton, Busque and Geoff are focused on hops, Kathy and Kerry are focused on bowling, Scott and BShaw are getting hitched, Darcey is focused on farm animals, and Papi is focused on himself. I'm sure when it counts, they'll step it up as always and win, but the regular season could be an uphill battle. Expected W/L: 7-1, I'm sure they'll forfeit a game.
Predictions for the Season
James "America" Boudreau beats Brian Sing for the Chug Off Crown. The Lighthouse league has softened Sing up and this is the man do dethrone him.
NDW will beat HML and MNM, but lose to someone else. They are due for one of those games where Kerry and Houghton can't come and Corliss has to pitch and it's just a disaster.
Stevey finally gets tossed from a game. Looooooooong overdue.
NDW beats Muff N Men in the Finals 5-3 to win again. It's hard to predict anything else since they always seem to win.
This Week's Games:
6PM
Muff N Men vs. Rum Riot
The Muffs get a decent warm up game before they play NDW is the night cap. Over confidence could be their achilles heel but I don't see RR putting up much of a fight week 1. Muffs win 4-1.
Fall-Tea Balls vs. Prestige Worldwide
Week 1 is always toughest to predict because most people haven't played kickball in almost 2 months. PW should win this game easily, but I think it will end up being close. PW wins 3-2.
7PM
Hand Made Love vs. Ma Dixon Cider
MDC is a bit underrated and HML is a bit overrated so I'm calling this my upset special of the week. My team generally plays better when I pick us to win anyway. MDC squeeks it out 3-2.
The Closers vs. No Dead Weight
NDW seems to always start the season with the "new" team and it always fares badly for the new team. NDW wins 9-1.
8PM
Muff N Men vs. No Dead Weight
Game of the week! If this was the last week of the season this potentially could be the game of the regular season. No one likes losing to Bez so I'm sure NDW will amp themselves up for this one and win a close one 2-1.
Thanks for reading.
Got any recaps or anything you'd like to add to the GMoT?
Email me: mainegmot@gmail.com
Scouting Report: Virtually no weaknesses on offense, smart defense, best pitcher, BShaw is a guaranteed out, play better when ahead.
NDW will be going for their unprecedented 173rd straight kickball title this season, but I think it could prove to be their most challenging season yet. No one on the team gives a shit about this season. Houghton, Busque and Geoff are focused on hops, Kathy and Kerry are focused on bowling, Scott and BShaw are getting hitched, Darcey is focused on farm animals, and Papi is focused on himself. I'm sure when it counts, they'll step it up as always and win, but the regular season could be an uphill battle. Expected W/L: 7-1, I'm sure they'll forfeit a game.
Predictions for the Season
James "America" Boudreau beats Brian Sing for the Chug Off Crown. The Lighthouse league has softened Sing up and this is the man do dethrone him.
NDW will beat HML and MNM, but lose to someone else. They are due for one of those games where Kerry and Houghton can't come and Corliss has to pitch and it's just a disaster.
Stevey finally gets tossed from a game. Looooooooong overdue.
NDW beats Muff N Men in the Finals 5-3 to win again. It's hard to predict anything else since they always seem to win.
This Week's Games:
6PM
Muff N Men vs. Rum Riot
The Muffs get a decent warm up game before they play NDW is the night cap. Over confidence could be their achilles heel but I don't see RR putting up much of a fight week 1. Muffs win 4-1.
Fall-Tea Balls vs. Prestige Worldwide
Week 1 is always toughest to predict because most people haven't played kickball in almost 2 months. PW should win this game easily, but I think it will end up being close. PW wins 3-2.
7PM
Hand Made Love vs. Ma Dixon Cider
MDC is a bit underrated and HML is a bit overrated so I'm calling this my upset special of the week. My team generally plays better when I pick us to win anyway. MDC squeeks it out 3-2.
The Closers vs. No Dead Weight
NDW seems to always start the season with the "new" team and it always fares badly for the new team. NDW wins 9-1.
8PM
Muff N Men vs. No Dead Weight
Game of the week! If this was the last week of the season this potentially could be the game of the regular season. No one likes losing to Bez so I'm sure NDW will amp themselves up for this one and win a close one 2-1.
Thanks for reading.
Got any recaps or anything you'd like to add to the GMoT?
Email me: mainegmot@gmail.com
-Sparks
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