Superhero Week 4

Week 3 Power Rankings

Here we are at week 3 and Scotty's Lou Gehrig like "good weather" streak is in jeopardy. Dating back to last time he was commissioner, we are currently at 3 weeks without a rain out. Amazing! With the inevitable rain out coming Thursday at some point this season, I figure it would be a great time to remind everyone the rules of Sloshball! 

Sloshball: You must have a beverage in hand at all times. Beer is recommended. A lot of beer may be consumed so Twisted Teas and other sugary drinks may give you diabetes. Game is played barefoot or in socks. 

In the field:

A girl must pitch and slow roll. 
You may only use one hand to catch and throw.
Everyone can play the field.

Up to bat:

You must crack a fresh beer when you step up to the plate and hold it at all times.
KICKING ONLY! Bunting is for NDW.
2 fouls is an out.
2 people can stack on each base. (So it's not a force at 2nd unless there's 2 people on 1st, etc.)
You CANNOT score until your beer is empty.

We generally make our own calls. Any and all arguments over a call are settled by a chug off with the parties involved (just hope you con't have Scotty or you're losing).

Regardless of weather. My team has a Sloshball date this week with East Bound and Down. 

           Last week was kind of an off week for kickball. No upsets. No gumby dancing. No one puked in a urinal. Nothing exciting happened at all. Aside from Shaker and Cobb crushing OPT. Bez managed to pay about 15% of a bet that he owed to me then went home to puke, which is a personal best for him. The entire Muff N Men team got alcohol poisoning. And Stevey threw a fit. So, I guess maybe a few things happened. I don't really remember much. Lighthouse division seems to be out partying us right now and that just cannot happen. But, I can't promise much from my team this week as we may not even make it off the field... Here are your week 3 power rankings!

Edit: Do to some issues during the Muff N Men vs. T'Keela Mockingbirds game, Scotty had this rule clarification:

"The base runner has right of way to the base, so if you (the fielder) decide to make a play it's at your own discretion/risk."

My take: Open season for plowing over bitches standing in the way! Just kidding. Kickball is meant to be fun first. My suggestion is slide head first and hope when you knock them over they don't land on your head.

#9. Richard Don't Know (0-1, Last Gm: Bye) (Last Wk: 9, NC)

Rumor has it that RDK played a legit game against the Lighthouse team and lost. Of course by rumor, I mean Mac told me after the game. Be smart like my team and just play sloshball. This gives you a good excuse in case you lose.

#8. It Ain't Gonna Kick Itself (0-2, Last Gm: L 1-6 to HC) (Last Wk: 8, NC)

Kick Itself played some great defense for the first 3 innings against the Hoffs. But, apparently once the alcohol set in, pop fly's became the most difficult thing in the world to catch. Casey did his best Buster Posey taking a collision from a giant at home plate. He stayed in the game with a bump on the head and is petitioning WAKA for less home plate collisions. They may not get to it after all the complaints TM sent it in this week.

#7. T'Keela Mockingbirds (1-1, Last Gm: L 0-1 to MNM) (Last Wk: 7, NC)

Amazing how after only 2 weeks, TM has a stranglehold on the "Team No One Wants to Face Because They Get Pissy and Complain A Lot If Something Goes the Other Team's Way" title (should we get a bar belt for this, Scotty?). In a press conference after their game, Joey had this to say about TM "Not only did the Mockingbirds prove to [once again] do nothing but excessively argue about accurate calls, but they did succeed in wasting everyone’s FB notifications with a pointless argument and ‘new rules’ which, in the end, only made a mockery of the Mockingbirds.  Maybe with more focus on actually making a solid play and less Stevey-Tweak-Outs and complaints about girls standing in the baseline will these guys be any competition this season." On a positive note, the defense cracked down and didn't throw the ball around this week. (Queue another FB argument). Stevey, you've got a long way to go to become Captain Meltdown

#6. Beast From the East (0-2, Last Gm: L 0-1 to NDW) (Last Wk: 4, -2)

I suppose you can take it as a positive that BFE held the potent NDW line up to only one run. But, letting Houghton shut you out on offense is a travesty. All you have to do is take 5 pitches and he will walk you, don't you read the scouting report? Also, given that they lost, it looks like BFE didn't cover that 4.5 runs Bez favored his team by (thanks for the beers buddy!). BFE better get it's shit together because right now they are Beast With the Least (Wins).

#5. Hoff Constantly (1-1, Last Gm: W 6-1 vs. IAGKI) (Last Wk: 6, +1)

The Hoff's vs. IAGKI game started late because the Hoff's ran across the field in slow motion in their lifeguard jackets (Tacky champs). All the various body parts bouncing in slow motion apparently hypnotized (or aroused) IAGKI, because their offense took the game off this week. HC's defense was back to normal this week, and it helped that the offense scored 45 unearned runs in the bottom of the 4th, pulling off a rare feat of winning a game in the bottom of the last inning without it being a walk off.

#4. Pitch Please (0-1, Last Gm: L 0-5 to HML) (Last Wk: 3, -1)

Vegas was in shambles when Steve Ginn was a late scratch for HML against Pitch Please. Apparently PP didn't notice he wasn't there and certainly made the rest of those guys look like a circuit team. I'm giving you guys a pass this week wince it was technically your first game of the season, and I'm sure none of you have played in over 6 months.

#3. Muff N Men (2-0, Last Gm: W 1-0 vs. TM) (Last Wk: 5, +2)

The Muff's won in all aspects and at every location last week. They shut out TM, and haven't allowed a run through 2 games. Then, Joey just destroys them in his recap (quote above). The team put down a record 157 Jello shots in honor of their pitcher's 29th birthday. At the bar, they recorded 4 black outs, 2 puke and rally's, and a grainy pants off dance off featured on the kickball FB group. They even had an unnamed player miss the toilet so bad peeing, that he pissed all over his bedroom. Total win. Fun's over now, you play NDW this week.

#2. Hand Made Love (2-0, Last Gm: W 5-0 vs. PP) (Last Wk: 2, NC)

You know your team's on a roll when your best player doesn't play, you win 5-0, and Faley reaches third base without needing a pinch runner. PP wasn't expecting Floyd to throw change ups every pitch and just couldn't muster any sort of offense. Poor bar showing this week for HML. I don't remember anything seeing anyone out.

#1. NDW (2-0, Last Gm: W 1-0 vs. BFE) (Last Wk: 1, NC)

NDW pulled out a not very good but good enough win against BFE with half their team out of town. Some of the NDW men did some team bonding over the weekend putting pole in holes, so expect them to feel loose this week against MNM. Not much else to say here. Papi is early season leader in black outs and words slurred. Shaker's single season record could be in jeopardy.

This Week's Games

Early Games

T'keela Mockingbirds vs. Richard Don't Know

Shaker don't take no shit from behind (the plate) so TM (Team Meltdown?) better wtach their mouths this week. RDK is pretty much here for the beer so I think TM will take this one 5-2.

No Dead Weight vs. Muff N Men

MNM's consecutive scoreless innings streak will probably be coming to an end in the first inning of this game. NDW's weakness has seemed to be top notch catchers, and that will probably keep the score down. Can't really pick against NDW until someone gives me a reason to 3-1.

It Ain't Gonna Kick Itself vs. Alcohol Poisoning

Bye week for IAGKI. That means sloshball and being too drunk to get into OPT.

Late Games

Hand Made Love vs. Hoff Constantly

The Hoff's got back on track last week and HML is still undefeated. This one should be pretty much all defense. I'd be shocked if more than 3 runs are scored collectively (now that I say that, I'm sure the score will be 8-6 or something). HML pulls it out 2-1.

Pitch Please vs. Beast From the East

Game of the week. I know what you're thinking, how can two teams who haven't won be the game of the week over 2 undefeated teams going at it? Because, this SHOULD be the best game to watch this week. BFE has underachieved and are starting to hopefully figure it out, and PP is a good team coming off their first real game. This will be one of those games won in the last inning on a close call. BFE picks up win #1 4-3.

Last week 4-0

Season 7-1

So, I have been encouraged to do a bachelor/ette of the week, since Lighthouse is doing one, and of course I want to steal their thunder whenever possible. This week I've nominated someone on my team, without his knowledge. For future weeks, please send pictures/bio to mainegmot@gmail.com and I'll pick one person each week and I guarantee you will get laid or your money back. If no one sends anything, then I will pick someone at random.

"Shoeless" Wade DePalma

This is Wade's rookie season for WAKA. He enjoys long walks through construction sites, blacking out before the sun goes down and home made brownies. Ladies, he's got a daughter, so you know he's got fast swimmers. Guys, this kid used to be a wrestler so you know he's comfortable with his hands all over dudes too.

Likes: Candlepin bowling, speeding, talking trash and paternity tests

Dislikes: Sobriety, contraception, whiny women, and bunting

You can catch this stud at Dewey's for maybe 30 mins this week before he's got to go home and puke. All ladies must meet the approval of his brofriend Brian. So wax that upper lip!

Cya next week!

-Sparkles